Too busy to read?

Then, after pausing, ask solution-based questions or simply label their effect: "What about this doesn't work for you?" "What would you need to make it work?" "It seems like there's something here that bothers you." People have a need to say, "No." So don't just hope to hear it at some point; get them to say it early.

Say, "Yes. What should I deprioritise?" Saying no to a senior leader at work is almost unthinkable, even laughable, for many people. However, when saying yes is going to compromise your ability to make the highest level of contribution to your work, it is also your obligation. In this case it is not only reasonable to say no, it is essential. One effective way to do that is to remind your superiors what you would be neglecting if you said yes and force them to grapple with the trade-off.

"We need to learn the slow 'yes' and the quick 'no.'

To do real good physics work, you do need absolute solid lengths of time ... it needs a lot of concentration ... if you have a job administrating anything, you don't have the time. So I have invented another myth for myself: that I'm irresponsible. I'm actively irresponsible. I tell everyone I don't do anything. If anyone asks me to be on a committee for admissions, "no," I tell them: I'm irresponsible.

evaluate requests based on the timid criteria, "Can I actually fulfil this request, given the time and resources I have?" If the answer was no then he would refuse the request.

The reality is, saying yes to any opportunity by definition requires saying no to several others.

Saying no is the only way to claw back time. Don't shuffle 12 things so that you can do them in a different order, don't set timers to move on from this or that. Eliminate 7 of the 12 things, and you'll have time left for the 5. It's not time management, it's obligation elimination. Everything else is snake oil.

SEPARATE THE DECISION FROM THE RELATIONSHIP When people ask us to do something, we can confuse the request with our relationship with them. Sometimes they seem so interconnected, we forget that denying the request is not the same as denying the person. Only once we separate the decision from the relationship can we make a clear decision and then separately find the courage and compassion to communicate it.

REMEMBER THAT A CLEAR "NO" CAN BE MORE GRACEFUL THAN A VAGUE OR NONCOMMITTAL "YES" As anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of this situation knows, a clear "I am going to pass on this" is far better than not getting back to someone or stringing them along with some noncommittal answer like "I will try to make this work" or "I might be able to" when you know they can't. Being vague is not the same as being graceful, and delaying the eventual "no" will only make it that much harder - and the recipient that much more resentful.

The awkward pause. Instead of being controlled by the threat of an awkward silence, own it. Use it as a tool.

The soft "no" (or the "no but"). I recently received an e-mail inviting me to coffee. I replied: "I am consumed with writing my book right now :) But I would love to get together once the book is finished. Let me know if we can get together towards the end of the summer."

either we can say no and regret it for a few minutes, or we can say yes and regret it for days, weeks, months, or even years. The only way out of this trap is to learn to say no firmly, resolutely, and yet gracefully. Because once we do, we find, not only that our fears of disappointing or angering others were exaggerated, but that people actually respect us more. Since becoming an Essentialist I have found it almost universally true that people respect and admire those with the courage of conviction to say no.