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Putting the benefit statement in your verbal Nutshell Resume brings your job to life and makes it memorable.

When they introduce people, they buy an insurance policy on the conversation with a few simple add-ons: 'Susan, I'd like you to meet John. John has a wonderful boat we took a trip on last summer. John, this is Susan Smith. Susan is editor-in-chief of Shoestring Gourmet magazine.'

Hey, I thought. This YOU stuff really works. To test my hypothesis, I tried it a few more times. I kept asking passers-by my three forms of the question. Sure enough, whenever I asked, 'Could YOU tell me where ...' people were more pleasant and helpful than when I started the question with I or Where.

The right way to find out So how do you find out what someone does for a living? (I thought you'd never ask.) You simply practise the following eight words. All together now: 'How ... do ... you ... spend ... most ... of ... your ... time?'

Most of the studies simply confirmed Dale Carnegie's 1936 classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People.3 His wisdom for the ages said success lay in smiling, showing interest in other people, and making them feel good about themselves. 'That's no surprise,' I thought. It's as true today as it was over sixty years ago.

When asking someone for a favour, let them know how much it means to you. You come across as a straight shooter, and the joy of helping you out is often reward enough. Don't deny them that pleasure!

Technique 37: Never the naked thank you Never let the words thank you stand alone. From A to Z, always follow it with for : from 'Thank you for asking' to 'Thank you for zipping me up.'

When you want to give someone the subliminal feeling you're just alike, use their words, not yours. Suppose you are selling a car to a young mother who tells you she is concerned about safety because she has a young toddler.

If someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, 'Could you save that question until I'm finished - and well on my way home?'

Comm-YOU-nication also enriches your social conversation. Gentlemen, say a lady likes your suit. Which woman gives you warmer feelings? The woman who says, 'I like your suit.' Or the one who says, 'YOU look great in that suit.'

When you do someone a favour and they obviously 'owe you one,' wait a few weeks. Don't make it look like tit for tat. Allow the favour asker the pleasurable myth that you joyfully did the favour with no thought of what you're going to get in return.

'as sure as your shadow will follow you.'

Technique 82: Tit for (wait ... wait) tat When people do you favours and it's obvious 'they owe you one,' wait a suitable amount of time before asking them to 'pay.' Let them enjoy the fact (or fiction) that you did it out of friendship. Don't call in your tit for their tat too swiftly.

Be the chooser, not the choosee. The lifelong friend, the love of your life, or the business contact who will transform your future may not be at the party. However, someday, somewhere, he or she will be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big event.

Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind. Then deliver it with a smile, a sigh, or a sob. Not according to how you feel about the news, but how the receiver will take it.

Salesfolks, wait for the green light A note here for salespeople. If you ask a prospect if he or she has time to talk and the answer is 'Not really, but tell me what's on your mind,' DON'T! Do not make your sales pitch while they're red. Do not talk with them when they're yellow. Wait until they're green, very green.

Technique 69: 'I hear your other line' When you hear a phone in the background, stop speaking - in midsentence if necessary - and say 'I hear your other line' (or your dog barking, your baby crying, your spouse calling you). Ask whether she has to attend to it. Whether she does or not, she'll know you're a Top Communicator for asking.

compliments are the most widely used and thoroughly endorsed of all getting-what-you-want techniques.

Grapevine glory A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to praise is not by telephone, not by telegraph, but by tell-a-friend.

Technique 61: Name shower People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention. Your caller's name re-creates the eye contact, the caress, you might give in person.

Technique 62: Oh wow, it's you! Don't answer the phone with an 'I'm just sooo happy all the time' attitude. Answer warmly, crisply, professionally. Then, after you hear who is calling, let a huge smile of happiness engulf your entire face and spill over into your voice.

Technique 55: The killer compliment Whenever you are talking with a stranger you'd like to make part of your professional or personal future, search for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she has. At the end of the conversation, look them right in the eye. Say their name and proceed to curl their toes with the Killer Compliment.

The killer compliment user's manual Just like a cannon, if you don't use the Killer Compliment correctly, it can backfire. Here's the user's manual that comes with the mighty missile. Rule 1: Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private. If you are standing with a group of four or five people and you praise one woman for being fit, every other woman feels like a barrel of lard.

Technique 57: The knee-jerk 'wow!' Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they a finish a feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction say, 'You were terrific!'

Whenever you mess up and someone suffers because of it, make sure they come out ahead, way ahead. I call the technique My Goof, Your Gain.

Always wear a Whatzit Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded room an excuse to approach. 'Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your ... what IS that?'

Technique 52: Carrier pigeon kudos People immediately grow a beak and metamorphosize themselves into carrier pigeons when there's bad news. (It's called gossip.) Instead, become a carrier of good news and kudos.

Technique 36: Big shots don't slobber People who are VIPs in their own right don't slobber over celebrities. When you are chatting with one, don't compliment her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight it's given you. If you do single out any one of the star's accomplishments, make sure it's a recent one, not a memory that's getting yellow in her scrapbook.

The latest news ... don't leave home without it The last move to make before leaving for the party - even after you've given yourself final approval in the mirror - is to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper. Anything that happened today is good material. Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody's talking about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in public, especially when it's surrounded by egg-on-face.

Technique 65: What colour is your time? No matter how urgent you think your call, always begin by asking the person about timing. Either use the What Colour Is Your Time? device or simply ask, 'Is this a convenient time for you to talk?' When you ask about timing first, you'll never smash your footprints right in the middle of your telephone partner's sands of time. You'll never get a 'No!' just because your timing wasn't right.

Technique 46: Potent imaging Does your customer have a garden? Talk about sowing the seeds for success. Does your boss own a boat? Tell him or her about a concept that will hold water or stay afloat. Maybe he is a private pilot? Talk about a concept really taking off.

'The first challenge in Eyeball Selling is discovering who the real decision maker is.' Jimmi meets his challenge in an unorthodox (not necessarily recommended) way. Right after 'Good afternoon, gentlemen and ladies,' he says something slightly confusing. Why? Because the surprised group doesn't know how to react. So their heads all twirl like weather vanes on a windy day to look at - guess who - the honcho, the heavyweight, the head man or woman. Now Jimmi's got his decision maker so he can continue Eyeball Selling to that person.

85 per cent of one's success in life is directly due to communications skills.

Here's my 'anything, except liverwurst' on small talk. Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant. If the first words out of your mouth are a complaint, BLAM, people label you a complainer. Why? Because that complaint is your new acquaintance's 100 per cent sampling of you so far. You could be the happiest Pollyanna ever, but how will they know? If your first comment is a complaint, you're a griper. If your first words are rude, you're a creep. If your first words are unpleasant, you're a stinker. Open and shut.

Encore! is the name of the technique you can use to request a repeat story from a prospect, potential employer, or valued acquaintance. While the two of you are chatting with a group of people, simply turn to him and say, 'John, I bet everyone would love to hear about the time you caught that thirty-pound striped bass.'

Technique 2: Sticky eyes Pretend your eyes are glued to your Conversation Partner's with sticky warm toffee. Don't break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey toffee until the tiny string finally breaks.

Technique 53: Implied magnificence Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the person you're talking with. But be careful.

Technique 58: Boomeranging Just as a boomerang flies right back to the thrower, let compliments boomerang right back to the giver. Like the French, quickly murmur something that expresses 'That's very kind of you.'

Baring their hot button Before jumping blindly into a bevy of bookbinders or a drove of dentists, find out what the hot issues are in their fields. Every industry has burning concerns the outside world knows little about. Ask your informant to bare the industry buzz. Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons.

Technique 54: Accidental adulation Become an undercover complimenter. Stealthily sneak praise into the parenthetical part of your sentence.

The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.

Never the naked job When asked the inevitable 'And what do YOU do,' you may think 'I'm an economist,' 'an educator,' 'an engineer' is giving enough information to engender good conversation. However, to one who is not an economist, educator, or an engineer, you might as well be saying 'I'm a paleontologist,' 'psychoanalyst,' or 'pornographer.

Amidst the sea of flashing teeth and parting lips, I discovered the people perceived to have the most credibility and integrity were just ever so slower to smile. Then, when they did, their smiles seemed to seep into every crevice of their faces and envelop them like a slow flood. Thus I call the following technique The Flooding Smile.

Technique 67: Your ten-second audition While dialling, clear your throat. If an answering machine picks up, pretend the beep is a big Broadway producer saying 'Nexxxt.' Now you're on. This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a quick callback.

Technique 63: The sneaky screen If you must screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully, 'Oh yes, I'll put you right through. May I tell her who's calling?' If the party has already identified himself, it's 'Oh of course, Mr Whoozit. I'll put you right through.' When the secretary comes back with the bad news that Mr or Ms Bigwig is unavailable, callers don't take it personally and never feel screened. They fall for it every time. Just like I did.

Technique 60: Talking gestures Think of yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you pick up the phone. If you want to come across as engaging as you are, you must turn your smiles into sound, your nods into noise, and all your gestures into something your listener can hear. You must replace your gestures with talk. Then punch up the whole act 30 per cent!

told Dan about how pleased Diane was to meet him yet how little she learned about his life. Dan simply replied, 'Well, when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.' Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker.

Technique 49: The premature we Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if you've met just moments before. Scramble the signals in their psyche by skipping conversational levels one and two, and cutting right to levels three and four. Elicit intimate feelings by using the magic words we, us, and our.

Technique 25: The nutshell resume Just as job-seeking top managers roll a different written resume off their printers for each position they're applying for, let a different true story about your professional life roll off your tongue for each listener. Before responding to 'What do you do?' ask yourself, 'What possible interest could this person have in my answer? Could he refer business to me? Buy from me? Hire me? Marry my sister? Become my buddy?'

Technique 88: My goof, your gain Whenever you make a mistake, make sure your victim benefits. It's not enough to correct your error. Ask yourself, 'What could I do for this suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the flub?' Then do it, fast! In that way, your goof will become your gain.

Whoozat? Whoozat is the most effective, least used (by nonpoliticians) meeting-people device ever contrived. Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.