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I wanted to work with people smart enough to have independent thinking but strong enough to change their opinion when evidence or logic suggested it.

The most powerful way to do this is by having the courage to say, "I believe in you," in whatever words and way are comfortable for you. These four words--or their equivalents--constitute the most inspirational message a leader can convey. There are many different ways to do it, but the fundamental and underlying message must always be the same: "I believe in you. I know you can do the job."

From time to time, leaders must show this hard edge. They must make those around them somewhat uneasy, even ill at ease, in not knowing what to expect from you, the leader. The knowledge that there is this hardness inside you can have a very sobering effect on those who might otherwise be sloppy--those who occasionally need to be reminded of your policies and practices.

Rank, titles, or inferred status can impede open communication in an environment where people thrive on helping one another.

Unfortunately, too often we find comfort in what worked before--even when it stops working. We get stuck there and resist the new, the unfamiliar, the unconventional.

And once the decision was made, the discussion was over. My ultimate job, and yours, is not to give an opinion. Everybody's got an opinion. Leaders are paid to make a decision. The difference between offering an opinion and making a decision is the difference between working for the leader and being the leader.

Scripting was a preprepared format, a flexible blueprint that I used to navigate through the turmoil, uncertainty, and stress of competition. "If this situation arises, we do this; if this happens, we do that." On and on. It was almost by the numbers; the minute those new situations came up, I'd go to the contingency play that I had worked up in advance and printed on the script on my clipboard.

When I give a speech at a corporate event, I often ask those in attendance, "Do you know how to tell if you're doing the job?" As heads start whispering back and forth, I provide these clues: "If you're up at 3 A.M. every night talking into a tape recorder and writing notes on scraps of paper, have a knot in your stomach and a rash on your skin, are losing sleep and losing touch with your wife and kids, have no appetite or sense of humor, and feel that everything might turn out wrong, then you're probably doing the job." This always gets a laugh, but not a very big one. Those executives in the audience recognize there is a significant price to pay to be the best.

People want to believe they're part of something special, an organization that's exceptional. And that's the environment I was creating in the early months and years at San Francisco.

"Listen and learn" isn't a bad motto; neither is "Listen and lead." In most organizations the leader's example sets the tone for everyone else. One of the greatest and most neglected skills in leadership is the ability to listen. If someone told me that leadership is as easy as one, two, three, I'd reply, "Only if the one, two, and three are as follows: 1. Listen 2. Learn 3. Lead"

Here's a short checklist worth keeping in mind when it comes to persevering, to doing it "your way" at all costs: 1. A leader must never quit. 2. A leader must know when to quit. 3. Proving that you are right or proving that someone is wrong are bad reasons for persisting. 4. Good logic, sound principles, and strong belief are the purest and most productive reasons for pushing forward when things get rough.

Pursuing your ambitions, especially those of any magnitude, can be grueling and hazardous, and produce agonizing failure along the way, but achieving those goals is among life's most gratifying and thrilling experiences. The ability to survive and overcome the former to attain the latter is a fundamental difference between winners and losers.

MY FIVE DOS FOR GETTING BACK INTO THE GAME: 1. Do expect defeat. It's a given when the stakes are high and the competition is working ferociously to beat you. If you're surprised when it happens, you're dreaming; dreamers don't last long. 2. Do force yourself to stop looking backward and dwelling on the professional "train wreck" you have just been in. It's mental quicksand. 3. Do allow yourself appropriate recovery--grieving--time. You've been knocked senseless; give yourself a little time to recuperate. A keyword here is "little." Don't let it drag on. 4. Do tell yourself, "I am going to stand and fight again," with the knowledge that often when things are at their worst you're closer than you can imagine to success. Our Super Bowl victory arrived less than sixteen months after my "train wreck" in Miami. 5. Do begin planning for your next serious encounter. The smallest steps--plans--move you forward on the road to recovery. Focus on the fix.

When the inevitable setback, loss, failure, or defeat comes crashing down on you--losing a big sale, being passed over for a career-making promotion, even getting fired--allow yourself the "grieving time," but then recognize that the road to recovery and victory lies in having the strength to get up off the mat and start planning your next move. This is how you must think if you want to win. Otherwise you have lost.

Victory is produced by and belongs to all. Winning a Super Bowl (or becoming number one in the marketplace, or reaching a significant quarterly production quota, or landing a big account) results from your whole team not only doing their individual jobs but perceiving that those jobs contributed to overall success. The trophy doesn't belong just to a superstar quarterback or CEO, head coach or top salesperson. And this organizational perception that "success belongs to everyone" is taught by the leader.

Almost always, your road to victory goes through a place called "failure."

The culture precedes positive results. It doesn't get tacked on as an afterthought on your way to the victory stand. Champions behave like champions before they're champions; they have a winning standard of performance before they are winners.

Quality collaboration is only possible in the presence of quality communication; that is, the free-flowing and robust exchange of information, ideas, and opinions. And "having big ears"--the skill of being a great listener--is the first law of good communication.

My checklist of personal qualities--assets--in potential staff members: 1. A fundamental knowledge of the area he or she has been hired to manage. You may think this is so self-evident it's insulting to include. However, often we are tempted to hire simply on the basis of friendship or other user-friendly characteristics. They can be important. Expertise is more important. 2. A relatively high--but not manic--level of energy and enthusiasm and a personality that is upbeat, motivated, and animated. Groups will often collectively take on the personality of their department head (e.g., in football, their position coach). A negative, complaining staff member will be emulated by those he or she is in charge of. So will a positive go-getter. 3. The ability to discern talent in potential employees whom he or she will recommend to you. 4. An ability to communicate in a relaxed yet authoritative--but not authoritarian--manner. 5. Unconditional loyalty to both you and other staff members. If your staff members are chipping away at one another, the organization is weakened from within--like a tree full of termites. There is, in my view, no offense more serious than disloyalty.

Before you can win the fight, you've got to be in the fight.