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The most powerful way to do this is by having the courage to say, "I believe in you," in whatever words and way are comfortable for you. These four words--or their equivalents--constitute the most inspirational message a leader can convey. There are many different ways to do it, but the fundamental and underlying message must always be the same: "I believe in you. I know you can do the job."

But no matter how they end, labels almost always begin with roughly the same words: It seems like ... It sounds like ... It looks like ... Notice we said "It sounds like ..." and not "I'm hearing that ..." That's because the word "I" gets people's guard up. When you say "I," it says you're more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow--and the offense they might cause.

Because the prefrontal cortex doesn't fully develop in humans until after age twenty, impulse control isn't fully developed in adolescents (as many parents of teenagers have observed). It's also why children and adolescents are not especially good at planning or delaying gratification.

If you want your children to grow up to be healthy and independent, you should hold them, hug them, cuddle them, and love them. Give them a secure base and they will explore and then conquer the world on their own.

If you have nothing good to say, then don't speak. Be careful of speaking badly about others in front of your children. If you are separated or divorced, never speak ill of your ex, who, after all, remains their parent.

Long before I had a lot of money, I had determined that I wanted my sons to have only enough to afford excellent health care, excellent education, and an initial boost to help their careers get started. My perspective was influenced by my own journey through life, which took me from having nothing to having a lot. That taught me to struggle well and made me strong. I wanted the same for the people I loved. So, when I had earned a lot of money, I felt I had plenty of money to give away to others.

Another test that gets at both creativity and flexible thinking without relying on quantitative skills is the "name as many uses" test.

Clarence M. Jones, one of the instructors of our course in Cincinnati, Ohio, told how encouragement and making faults seem easy to correct completely changed the life of his son.

Children see, record, learn and mirror everything around them. How you choose to be as a parent has a profound impact on them. In years to come do not be surprised at how your children have turned out, since much of what they are comes from copying you. You must always walk your talk, being conscious of being a role model.

We know for example that watching television reduces the attention span of children (Swing et al. 2010).

There are several things to learn from that story. The most important is the transformative power of praise versus the corrosive impact of criticism. I've had a number of occasions since then to test the powers of praise, and I find it an amazing force, especially for adults. Children are accustomed to a continual stream of criticisms and praise, but adults can go weeks without a compliment while enduring criticism both at work and at home. Adults are starved for a kind word. When you understand the power of honest praise (as opposed to bullshitting, flattery, and sucking up), you realize that withholding it borders on immoral. If you see something that impresses you, a decent respect to humanity insists you voice your praise.

So we introduced a token system.9 The children were given ten tokens at the beginning of the week. These could each be traded in for either thirty minutes of screen time or fifty cents at the end of the week, adding up to $5 or five hours of screen time a week. If a child read a book for thirty minutes, he or she would earn an additional token, which could also be traded in for screen time or for money. The results were incredible: overnight, screen time went down 90 per cent, reading went up by the same amount, and the overall effort we had to put into policing the system went way, way down. In other words, non-essential activity dramatically decreased and essential activity dramatically increased. Once a small amount of initial effort was invested to set up the system, it worked without friction.

My first indication that this hyper-connected generation was suffering came a few years before I started writing this book. I was chatting with the head of mental health services at a well-known university where I had been invited to speak. This administrator told me that she had begun seeing major shifts in student mental health. Until recently, the mental health center on campus had seen the same mix of teenage issues that have been common for decades: homesickness, eating disorders, some depression, and the occasional case of OCD. Then everything changed. Seemingly overnight the number of students seeking mental health counseling massively expanded, and the standard mix of teenage issues was dominated by something that used to be relatively rare: anxiety. She told me that everyone seemed to suddenly be suffering from anxiety or anxiety-related disorders. When I asked her what she thought caused the change, she answered without hesitation that it probably had something to do with smartphones. The sudden rise in anxiety-related problems coincided with the first incoming classes of students that were raised on smartphones and social media. She noticed that these new students were constantly and frantically processing and sending messages. It seemed clear that the persistent communication was somehow messing with the students' brain chemistry.

In the first stage,6 children are introduced in a playful way to what will eventually become their field of interest. For Susan Polgar it was finding the chess pieces and liking their shapes. In the beginning, they were nothing more than toys to play with. Tiger Woods was given a little golf club to hold when he was just nine months old. Again, a toy. In the beginning, a child's parents play with their child at the child's level, but gradually they turn the play toward the real purpose of the "toy." They explain the special moves of the chess pieces. They show how the golf club is used to hit the ball. They reveal the piano's ability to produce a tune rather than just a racket. At this stage, the parents of children who are to become experts play a crucial role in the child's development. For one thing, the parents give their children a great deal of time, attention, and encouragement. For another, the parents tend to be very achievement-oriented and teach their children such values as self-discipline, hard work, responsibility, and spending one's time constructively. And once a child becomes interested in a particular field, he or she is expected to approach it with those same attributes -- discipline, hard work, achievement. This is a crucial period in a child's development. Many children will find some initial motivation to explore or to try something because of their natural curiosity or playfulness, and parents have an opportunity to use this initial interest as a springboard to an activity, but that initial curiosity-driven motivation needs to be supplemented. One excellent supplement, particularly with smaller children, is praise. Another motivation is the satisfaction of having developed a certain skill, particularly if that achievement is acknowledged by a parent. Once a child can consistently hit a ball with a bat, say, or play a simple tune on the piano or count the number of eggs in a carton, that achievement becomes a point of pride and serves as motivation for further achievements in that area.