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To make sure the message we sent is the message that's received, ask the listener to reflect it back.

Conventional compliments often take the form of judgments, however positive, and are sometimes intended to manipulate the behavior of others. NVC encourages the expression of appreciation solely for celebration. We state (1) the action that has contributed to our well-being, (2) the particular need of ours that has been fulfilled, and (3) the feelings of pleasure engendered as a result.

NVC suggests that our paraphrasing take the form of questions that reveal our understanding while eliciting any necessary corrections from the speaker. Questions may focus on these components: what others are observing: "Are you reacting to how many evenings I was gone last week?"

Making requests in clear, positive, concrete action language reveals what we really want.

The first component of NVC entails the separation of observation from evaluation. We need to clearly observe what we are seeing, hearing, or touching that is affecting our sense of well-being, without mixing in any evaluation.

In NVC-style conflict resolution, creating a connection between the people who are in conflict is the most important thing. This is what enables all the other steps of NVC to work, because it's not until you have forged that connection that each side will seek to know exactly what the other side is feeling and needing.

Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking.

Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."

Criticism and diagnosis get in the way of peaceful resolution of conflicts.

A present language statement refers to what is wanted at this moment. For example, one party might say, "I'd like you to tell me if you would be willing to--" and describe the action they'd like the other party to take. The use of a present language request that begins with "Would you be willing to ..." helps foster a respectful discussion. If the other side answers that they are not willing, it invites the next step of understanding what prevents their willingness.

The two parts of NVC: 1. expressing honestly 2. receiving empathically

I can handle your telling me what I did or didn't do. And I can handle your interpretations, but please don't mix the two.