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Recognize that conflicts are essential for great relationships . . . . . . because they are how people determine whether their principles are aligned and resolve their differences. Everyone has his or her own principles and values, so all relationships entail a certain amount of negotiation or debate over how people should be with each other. What you learn about each other will either draw you together or drive you apart. If your principles are aligned and you can work out your differences via a process of give-and-take, you will draw closer together. If not, you will move apart. Open discussion of differences ensures that there are no misunderstandings. If that doesn't happen on an ongoing basis, gaps in perspective will widen until inevitably there is a major clash.

Remember that every story has another side. Wisdom is the ability to see both sides and weigh them appropriately.

PRINCIPLE 1--The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Deterrence, containment, and appeasement are all strategic mental models to keep you out of costly direct conflict. You want to enlist these models when other conflict-avoidance models have failed and you are still faced with a situation that you think you can't "win," as when engaging would create so much damage it isn't worth it or when you want to preserve your resources for more fruitful engagements (see opportunity cost in Chapter 3

To be free of conflict you need to have no friends.