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When they introduce people, they buy an insurance policy on the conversation with a few simple add-ons: 'Susan, I'd like you to meet John. John has a wonderful boat we took a trip on last summer. John, this is Susan Smith. Susan is editor-in-chief of Shoestring Gourmet magazine.'

Here's my 'anything, except liverwurst' on small talk. Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant. If the first words out of your mouth are a complaint, BLAM, people label you a complainer. Why? Because that complaint is your new acquaintance's 100 per cent sampling of you so far. You could be the happiest Pollyanna ever, but how will they know? If your first comment is a complaint, you're a griper. If your first words are rude, you're a creep. If your first words are unpleasant, you're a stinker. Open and shut.

Never the naked job When asked the inevitable 'And what do YOU do,' you may think 'I'm an economist,' 'an educator,' 'an engineer' is giving enough information to engender good conversation. However, to one who is not an economist, educator, or an engineer, you might as well be saying 'I'm a paleontologist,' 'psychoanalyst,' or 'pornographer.